art fag.

emotional/////soul

Love interests//////

I’ll carved my coffin

Out of all my hope and aspiration

With the hope I’ll die content

And when that fails me

I’ll have the satisfaction

Of knowing I was right

I say fuck this

I’m calling quits

When you feel this worthless

You only want a means to an end

A thief, and a smooth talker, my smug remarks is all I have to my name

I’ll die this way I’m not up for change

I would rather lie to all my friends

Than for a second be honest with myself

It’s not a fucked up concept

When it's just an empty shell

As rotten as you portray

The things you do to me

It’s never half as bad

As a boy without a dad

Or a mother’s warm embrace

How I’ve grown cold for this place

My whole life is basically shades of blacks whites and grays

You can work me in or smudge me out

You can break me down make me what you want

And at the end of the day blow me away

I’m a complex charcoal piece

I don't need new color or hues to see

That this is simply what I make, my life

I only wish like my portraits I would not die

So erase me out

Wipe me away

My nights seem to be spent with what if's and if only's

Thinking someone will walk through the door and hold me

But I know it’s a notion that causes my endless thought

An anxious feeling for false pretence and emotion

So why is it I am forced to look at all these decisions

It was a promise I never took

I’m responsible for all my own mistakes

So you can help yourself and stay away

Cause a bastard will never change

You’ve seen it shown in different ways

Though he may seem calm and collected on the surface

He is struggling to pick up the pieces of a glass soul

That he could have sworn was never broken before

But the cracks and patches say otherwise

But it’s not a common thing for a lover to show

I’m losing faith and friends and being pulled back in

To the same feelings that remind me of my life

And that I am still alive

And in the end at least we have time

To figure it out

The things I say

The things i've done

The lives I live

And the time I’ve lost

I’m a mistake with a 7-letter name

I show the pain with the lines on my face

If you were to press your ears on my chest

It would sound something like this

This nobody never deserved anybody

This body would rather be left alone

Even the best of them left

Don’t expect to stick around

So I’m wishing you my very best

I’ll walk the way alone

My screams won't make a sound

The only thing that calms my nerves is looking forward to the end, the only good feeling I have is the ones I never felt, and with each passing day I get closer, my checkered ribbon, life being over

7:34 I’ll soon begin my day

The weather is always cold

At least it feels that way

Each passing night gets longer

After every painful day

I’ll pray this pain still lingers

Even after I am awake

Cause every drop you suffer

Is another sign of strength

Nightmares of every face

That chose to forget

Promises made

Or what love meant

Who ever said actions hurt worse?

Hasn’t listened to a single word

I’ve fallen on sticks and stones

And gotten up healed every cut

But I’m constantly falling

For every set of open arms

That welcome this bruised heart

I’m setting fire to the home

Where I left all my concerns

I’ll retrace every step

That let me to discontent

Who ever said I’ve given up?

I’m just giving in

I can't accept this

These things that keep me perplexed

To live life along lines of "believe and regret"

And to swallow all it's stress

I’m just a self-destructive kid

Trying to figure out the right way to live

And choices keep dragging me in

I hate how every reaction

Needs an action to exist

How long can this photograph
keep good intentions in my heart
without letting the past
completely split us apart
and I am searching for a purpose
in this lifeless existence
that has become me
and I find it hard to see
this thought of existing
I have cuts on my fingers
from a broken picture frame
that represented all I felt
and what kept me sane
that is now eroded by time
and measure me on the skyline
for my selfish intentions span wide

Every night these thoughts haunt me
like my nightmares of you
and I feel my sanity slipping away
as you taunt me like you do
how I wish it could chase the light
because it's rays are soothing
how I wish I walked out the door
without saying good bye
cause you left
and I never got my goodbye
with saying goodbye

I don't think you realize
the strength in a lie
and you never will
until it happens to you
and for your sake
I hope it happens soon
cause I loved enough
and I’ve done my share
to be broken this far
to pick myself up each time
don't get me wrong
my intentions aren't good
but I hope when you fall
it isn't as far as you should

I don't think I loved you enough
to truly say I hate you this much
and I don't think sincerity
flows through these veins
in blood so thick as mine
but now I realized
that it's measured
in your amount of heart
not in the amount of time
I only hope I open up these eyes
so that I can wish on a star in the sky
I only hope I open up these eyes
so I can see it all ext time

I’m a time capsule
who never had much of a soul
cause locked under this skin
are memories I’ve never told
and I hope they are buried soon
along with me under this moon
and I hope you see it too
the way I changed for you
and how it has made me whole
and the ways it has left a hole
and I’m losing sleep

Search your heart
for anything at all
but don't look to deep
cause you might fall
into the emptiness
that dwells on all
I have
and I place blame on the golden state
you broke my heart in los Angeles
and maybe I just want the attention
and maybe I just love the depression

This yearning feeling that I get
in my room with no one here
it reminds me of those days
that we shared alone
it reminds me of the days
spent in our homes
cause all I know is
I have nothing left
just one more kiss
and I’ll have new breath
cause now I know
I’d rather die alone
than live without love
I’d rather die alone
than live without love
die alone without love

These hours I can't get back
spent staring at a photograph
of love I wish I had
and my eyes grow weaker
from every glance I take
and the scars get deeper
from every time I make
this promise to myself
and I would love to see
you next to me
and I would love to see
you next to me
and I would love to see
nothing at all

Starve me senseless
of careless love
this walk is endless
and I am alone
dawn is breaking and
I am on my own
it just hurts to realize
it on this road
that these shoes
they have more soul
than me
and these scars
are far more deeper
than I could be

Weight
pressure
and deprivation
my heart is a sinking ship
it hurts to now realize with you
I felt blessed
and this pain love
and frustration
will keep me on the edge
until I decide it's not worth it
and I rid myself of this
these chains are not wings
and this boy is not flesh
there is a ghost in place of
the things that you have left

DIGITAL////

NIRVANA/////

brthrs n rms////

true love/////

pits/////

ys w r////

SOUL REBEL

MY HEART IS MADE OF COAL pt. II

NDN/////

GHST//////

SPNS & TM TRVL/////

in the absence of hope

i was told to paint in many hughes
ones that resembles blacks and blues
like my arms and their healings bruise
cause in the absense of hope i know where to go
in the absense of hope i've no where to go
why does every story open with the bad news
constant reminders of stuggling living
and how it will affect his view
whats a poor boy to do
i'll bring the cat on home
a dog mouth sinking into bone
what good is a heart in this world you make
what good is a heart if it doesnt break
we were so afraid of the ceiling caving in
but we'll stay in harms way
kids these days
sanctity

"i know where to go" ///////

crafty

rock textures are giant hand scream///////

WANTED!

DESCRIPTION: raped and killed 3 women is armed and dengerous

HEIGHT: 5'11

WEIGHT: 12 lb

GENDER: female

ETHNIC ORIGIN: alien

100,000 dollar reward for capture

endless

everything now adays seems to revolve around simple things death love and money but i digress anyway things revole around soup and how complex it truley can be and after spending 12 years in school against and gainst my will i have come to the conclusion you can learn so much from picking up a color book blank or used every page consisting of several hughs red blue and black and thats about all you'll find, so i was shiting as all americans tend to do around 8 pm and i got up from the plaster and ceramic throne to fix the light bulb that had just went out how lucky i was to not have any company in the house other than the shadows that lurk the walls around me, i went into the garage passing my ghetto booty butt cheeks all up in that rav-4 to grab a light bulb on the shelf its was strangly yellow as in the glass itself appeared to be painted over but i said eh fuck it thug life and walked back up the stairs to replace the bulb i unscrewed the old one like a preist would a packet of frozen vegitables.......wait what........anyways and i turned on the light switch (which i had turned off i mean what dumb ass would leave it on while replacing light bulbs) and the room around me exploded and bursted into shades of yellow my towel which is usually blue was green genuenly green which made me realize the world of the world facts opinions porn magizines all up for interpritation like depression or sex which has what conotation to it good bad just a thing its up for you to make out these things war rape hate juice are interprited by nerves sending electrons and neutrons to your brain to make a relation to something you have already experience depression bad sex good brother love and nacho nut horse another story but if you can strip down your mind to simple excepting things for what and how they are not having them be a good thing or bad thing but just a thing then wouldnt life in its entirety be up for your interpritation, i dont know its a thought but as usual i am obviously wrong i just said this to sound smart but honestly for those of you strong enough to overcome your problems you can but those of your who are weak can never change that its out of your hands because the fact is some of us are born strong and other not it has nothing to do with what we experience in life that shapes us it is simply genetics, right? well who know i sure don't anyway its 7:47 pm and well i have another light bulb to change
////////

things i do in my sleep

step I

7:34 i'll soon begin my day
the weather is always cold
atleast it feels that way
each passing night gets longer
after every painful day
i'll pray this pain still lingers
even after i am awake
cause every drop you suffer
is another sign of strength
nightmares of every face
that chose to forget
promises made
or what love meant
step II

who ever said actions hurt worse
hasn't listened to a single word
i've fallen on sticks and stones
and gotten up healed every cut
but i'm constantly falling
for every set of open arms
that welcome this bruised heart
i'm setting fire to the home
where i left all my concerns
i'll retrace every step
that let me to discontent
who ever said i've given up
i'm just giving in

steps III-VI involve masturbation so i guess i need not say